


goodbye to love

by whysterias



Series: misty [5]
Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Heavy spoilers for Stage 4 Volume 44 so please do not read this if you haven't read that chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28492359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whysterias/pseuds/whysterias
Summary: in which something breaks inside Satoshi
Relationships: Harada Risa/Hiwatari Satoshi
Series: misty [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623676
Comments: 19
Kudos: 9





	goodbye to love

He felt it first when he asked for Risa’s help with “femininity.” That familiar rush of adrenaline and nausea that accompanied a transformation overcame him in an instant. The ground blurred just as quickly as it sharpened, and he came to at the sight of Risa handing him his glasses back.

He didn’t think much of it in the moment, but he didn’t think something so menial would lead to his end.

…

“I think we both fell into a sad love with him…”

He didn’t understand the forlorn expression on her face at the time, and he most certainly didn’t understand why she worded her statement in such a way.

Love?

What a preposterous word to use.

Her expression popped into his mind.

And, somehow, it still tugged at his heart. Just like it did the first time he saw it.

…

His cheek felt warm, comforting, like a mother’s embrace. Until it began to burn, searing his skin.

He forced himself to open his eyes, groggily, to see Risa’s startled expression. Satoshi struggled to dig himself through the muggy haze of his mind, reaching out to her: the sun to his Icarus.

The boat rocked.

…

Satoshi saw her unconscious on the sand.

Half his body was screaming at him to leave. And the other half was drawn, unconsciously, to her.

He had no control as he knelt down next to her, brushing her hair. (Soft, like silk, which, when braided into a rope, would kill softly. Beautifully.)

Satoshi didn’t expect her to wake up.

Then Takeshi stumbled upon them.

(He would never admit it, but he was grateful for that loudmouth’s timing.)

…

She fell, light as feather, into his arms.

He felt a splitting pain in his back as his wings emerged, tearing through his shirt and jacket.

Satoshi flew through the sky, jaggedly, fighting back unconsciousness until he nearly crashed into a bench. After gently laying her down, he covered her with his jacket before he rushed off, pain piercing through his bones, to find Daisuke.

Hopefully the naïve boy wouldn’t notice.

…

She was falling.

He heard Dark screaming. The scene unfolded before him in slow motion. Dark was too far; he wouldn’t make it in time.

But could Satoshi risk transforming right now? Save Risa only for Krad to kill her? Stick her between a rock and a—

She kept falling, wordlessly, like a ragdoll.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

…

He knew those eyes.

They belonged to a girl who gave her heart to Dark, enamored with the spectacle of the Phantom Thief’s hair and feathered wings.

He looked like Krad, but all she saw was another version of Dark. A Dark lite or a light Dark?

He should be glad that she wasn’t associating this moment with that demon. But he hated that she wasn’t seeing him. That this unusual warmth welling inside him made him want to scream and tear these damn wings off.

How pathetic.

…

He was relieved to still see Risa as her usual self inside Insomnia.

She rambled on about how strange everything was. She was focused on the task at hand. And, most importantly, she wasn’t happy to see him; she was just happy to see someone familiar.

He loved that comfortable distance. It was safe. And warm.

…

_Harada._

_Please don’t cry._

…

He wished he could be as happy as Daisuke about changing back.

He really did.

But the realization that his trigger for transformation had changed, to Risa no less, was cause for concern.

Even though he had no time for ruminating, he knew why. As Daisuke talked, he began to piece it together in his head, why she caused him so much grief.

Because there was warmth.

And he knew that warmth would kill him.

…

She likes strawberry milk.

He likes being cryptic.

(And yet, he knew he could get away with it because Risa would understand.

Somehow, that was the most unsettling part of all of this.)

…

He tries, so hard, to block the image of Risa in his mind as Elm Root speaks of love, reciprocation (or lack thereof), family, life, death. The flood of information coming from his adopted dad, who is actually his dad, who is actually an ancient Hikari artwork, who is currently shielding him from the terror of Krad, is driving him crazy already. He doesn’t need this stress on top of this train wreck.

But he can’t stop following his father’s words to their destination. Everything starts to fall into place, even as Satoshi’s sanity falls to pieces, trying to keep up with each new revelation.

And after his father finishes, he screams.

It’s his only release.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Years, guys! Here's to another year of writing!


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